Thursday, August 26, 2010

Mixed Emotions with US results....

Well, we went to our ultrasound on Monday with Dr. R. I was so excited to get to see our baby girl and all was going well with the ultrasound until Dr. R said, "Ok, I'm going to freak you out for a second, but then everything will be ok. Now, this isn't something that's going to prevent her from being able to run, jump, swim, or play..."

And that's when my heart dropped out of my chest. It's her brain. What's wrong with her brain?

He went on to say that she has a small choroid plexus cyst, and this is often just a part of brain development, that either goes away by 28 weeks or hangs around and never causes any problems. It's been seen in 70 year old adults and was there their whole lives without consequence. The problem with seeing it in a fetus, is that it can be related to Trisomy 18. That's the one that's not compatible with life. As soon as he said that, my mind went into NICU mode and I knew that those babies don't survive and so I started panicking on the inside and wondering if my little one would be like those babies.

I held it together somehow in front of the doctor and although his word were, "This is NOT something to worry about, I promise. Everything else is normal, she does NOT have Trisomy 18. It will go away and everything will be fine." Yeah right. As soon as he left, I excused myself to the bathroom (Carlos was with me) and I burst into tears. Dr. R must have known, because several minutes later, he was standing outside my door as if he knew I was going to have a melt down in spite of his words. He once again, reassured me that this a normal variant of development, and not to worry. Through bawling tears, I asked him if I can buy baby stuff or not. He said OF COURSE. So we had made an appointment for 4 weeks to follow up, and he offered to look again in 2 weeks so he can show me AGAIN that she's fine. So, I'm down to see him on the 7th.

I have asked the neonatologists I work with as well as my OB (who called today because she knew I would be freaking out), and everyone has assured me not to worry. She said Trisomy 18 is "not even on (her) radar" for me. The other neonatologist (who is my favorite) said the current articles about these cysts are about whether it is ethical to even tell parents about them because they freak parents out for no reason. YEP, it did! I wish he wouldn't have even told me. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes!

So, for now, I feel much better about it with all the research I've read and opinions of experienced doctors. If they say not to worry, I won't. So I'm buying baby furniture tomorrow. :-)

If you're a follower of this blog (all two of you), please lift up a prayer or two for my little one to make sure the cyst resolves and is not an indicator of ominous things. I have to have faith on this one or I'll drive myself crazy. It's in HIS hands. He made her perfect in his sight, and I believe He will take care of her.

Thank you!!

Off to bed to rest this weary brain. Will update with the next sono if not sooner!

Kristina
XOXO

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